Forum · I'm widow, newly diagnosed, trying to date?!

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[-] Athena1965 +0 points · 11 months ago

Dating and sleep apnea

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[-] Athena1965 +1 point · 11 months ago

My husband passed away almost 5 years ago. We were together for 29 years. I've been working hard trying to get back to the land of the living. I even started dating!

One of the guys I was dating noted my very loud snoring, so I went to the doctor. Of course I'm not dating him anymore, because this process takes so long. But now I've been diagnosed with sleep apnea, and I need to get one of those horrible machines. I don't know what to do.

I can't try a dental appliance because well I have dentures. Who's gonna want to date a 52-year-old woman with no teeth in a breathing machine? Exactly know when I suspect.

Anyway anyone who's had any experience with this and has any advice to offer I would love to hear it, some days I just wish I could join my husband to be done with all this crap.

As you can tell the diagnosis has me pretty depressed, which doesn't help since I have struggled with depression my whole life. So yeah I'm a toothless old hag on a breathing machine with it that it in a bad mood and a bad attitude. How could I expect anybody to want to talk to me, let alone date me.

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[-] ResourcefulSlateGrayKookabura7697 +1 point · 11 months ago

Don't despair,try to get some benefit from using your machine which will make you feel better and lift your spirits. Lots of women your age wear dentures and that doesn't stop them dating. When you are feeling better you might find it easier to find a partner. if you take time to get to know the person first, by the time you are ready to sleep with them, your machine should not be an issue. if it is, you have found the wrong guy, simply put in your teeth, pick up you machine and move on.

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[-] Athena1965 +1 point · 11 months ago

Thanks resourceful. Your comment put in my teeth pick up my machine and be gone actually made me laugh which was the first time today! Thank you I appreciate it.

It often feels that just when I get going in a positive direction something else happens to knock me over a twist me up, it's always been thus, it's just harder without my husband here.

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[-] DanM +1 point · 11 months ago Sleep Enthusiast

Hi Athena. First, I'm so sorry for your loss. But it sounds like you are interested in feeling better and treating your condition, which is great! I agree with Resourceful that the first step might be to get your condition treated and start feeling better. You might actually be surprised at the number of people who wear CPAP! I learned over the holidays that 2 of my friends have just had sleep studies and are both now successfully using their treatment. Hang in there, and please let us know if you have any questions as you begin your treatment. Best wishes!

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[-] Athena1965 +0 points · 11 months ago

I saw an ENT Dr. today, I am not a good candidate for surgery. Tiny throat. but tiny tonsils. too.

My sleep Dr., after I pushed back on the machine, recommended an exam. The ENT did say that the dental appliance would probably work for me, but I have to have my teeth fixed first (starting that process now.)

So I don't know. Do I pick up this machine and allow strangers to monitor my sleep as I lie awake with the stupid thing on? Or do I go for nighttime O2 until I get the teeth sorted out. The teeth will take less than 3 months to take care of, the CPAP could take a year or more to get used to, or to never get used to. Waste that time and money to prove to the world how lame and weak I am? Does anyone but me get the judgy feeling from the medical folks, not I know myself, but if I can't adjust to the machine, there is something wrong with me. Isn't there something wrong with a machine which can't adjust to me? And why dose the insurance company get to come to bed with me, uninvited?

Look, this is unnatural. But more to the point, I know myself. I am all alone at 2 am when I am scared and lonely. To everyone who tells me I should try CPAP and I will get used to it, (doctors, therapist, family, and friends) I say, where are you at 2 am? Exactly, nowhere !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If I have to do this on my own, I will be my way. Which is to say, "Can't I please just not wake up, join my husband, and be done with this?"

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[-] DanM +0 points · 11 months ago Sleep Enthusiast

Hi Athena. It sounds like a dental device might be a good place to start. If you really don't want to try CPAP, then wait and see how you do with the dental appliance. Many patients with sleep apnea that is not severe do very well with the dental appliance. If that does not work for you, then maybe you can consider trying CPAP. As for the insurance companies, they only get information related to whether you are wearing the device for a necessary amount of time to treat your condition. From their perspective, they do not want to pay for expensive equipment that is not being used. One reason that adjusting the machines is not recommended is that some of the machines have many settings. An incorrect setting, even made accidentally, can actually cause breathing problems to worsen without the patient using the machine realizing what is happening during sleep. That is not to say that CPAP users are not capable, but as things stand now the machines and settings are prescription items. There are many users who do adjust their settings and do just fine, but caution is recommended. I hope you start feeling better soon, and good luck!

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