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Joined Jan 2017
Joined Jan 2017

I have depression. I've had it probably my whole life. I've only recently been diagnosed with sleep apnea. I wonder, have I always had sleep apnea? Which comes first the depression or the sleep apnea?

I never remember my dreams. I always wake up in the middle of the night. Without my medication for depression, I can't fall asleep or stay asleep.

Depression does really affect sleep. Apparently sleep apnea also really affects depression. Chicken and egg.

Probably the biggest issue for me, is that I think my depression makes me not want to give the CPAP a chance. A lot of folks especially on this board, point out that CPAP therapy will save my life. Guess what, when you're depressed that is no actual motivation. There are plenty of mornings that I wish I hadn't woken up at all. So when a doctor or a sleep therapist tells me I should do this for my health and to stay alive, I just look at them and say I'd rather just be done with all this and join my late husband thank you very much.

I suspect that this is part of the compliance problem with CPAP. If your grip on "the joy of life" is loose to begin with, then passing away peacefully in my sleep doesn't really sound like a bad alternative to what You go through every day sometimes just to get out of bed.

Hell I'm so dark, my ENT doctor even went over a tracheotomy with me. He said that aside from CPAP, since I'm not really a candidate for surgical solution, the only thing he could do would be offer a tracheotomy, but I'm sure you wouldn't want that he said. Don't be so sure I said why don't you tell me about it.

OK he said, you don't mind going down the dark road? Lead on Dr. I said.

Maybe I'm not helping with this post, I am trying to be honest. Depression warps a lot of things, including your point of view. So maybe only take what I have to say with a grain of salt.

I would definitely see someone about the depression. And don't let them push you off on just giving you pills. You must demand talk therapy as well. These days the mental health industry only likes to prescribe medication doesn't want to actually work with a patient. Like everything else in this world, you have to fight like hell to get what you need.

Good luck! Let us know how you're doing.

I saw an ENT Dr. today, I am not a good candidate for surgery. Tiny throat. but tiny tonsils. too.

My sleep Dr., after I pushed back on the machine, recommended an exam. The ENT did say that the dental appliance would probably work for me, but I have to have my teeth fixed first (starting that process now.)

So I don't know. Do I pick up this machine and allow strangers to monitor my sleep as I lie awake with the stupid thing on? Or do I go for nighttime O2 until I get the teeth sorted out. The teeth will take less than 3 months to take care of, the CPAP could take a year or more to get used to, or to never get used to. Waste that time and money to prove to the world how lame and weak I am? Does anyone but me get the judgy feeling from the medical folks, not I know myself, but if I can't adjust to the machine, there is something wrong with me. Isn't there something wrong with a machine which can't adjust to me? And why dose the insurance company get to come to bed with me, uninvited?

Look, this is unnatural. But more to the point, I know myself. I am all alone at 2 am when I am scared and lonely. To everyone who tells me I should try CPAP and I will get used to it, (doctors, therapist, family, and friends) I say, where are you at 2 am? Exactly, nowhere !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If I have to do this on my own, I will be my way. Which is to say, "Can't I please just not wake up, join my husband, and be done with this?"