I will tell a part of my story, not because I am special or normal, and not because I have a powerful message or moral to convey, but because I think that by deduction it might help others to see where I went wrong or what I could have done better and thereby be more confident in their own decisions and actions.
I have been able to break the locks for 60 years now and so I considered it normal.
Puppies chase rabbits in their sleep, cats play with mice in their sleep, don't we do the same?
Ok so not rabbits and mice but you know what I mean!
I married a beautiful person who, unfortunately, has unlimited patience, tolerance and adaptability. She put up with a great deal before mentioning from time to time that she had been kicked or hit during the night and because she downplayed it so successfully I presumed that it was just a bump from changing positions or moving my feet aimlessly whilst I slept. It never occurred to me that she was receiving kicks and punches with power and intent.
Why unfortunately you ask? It was unfortunate for her because she endured it for many years and unfortunate for me because I remained ignorant for so many years.
Her response was to overlook, initially the bruises and the risk then in a literal sense. She became a watcher, sitting in bed knitting or researching or reading and watching me sleep. She would catch her sleep after I had settled down, in the early hours before dawn, and on into the day.
Oh she would mention from time to time that I had been shouting or restless or whatever and also that I stopped breathing frequently for long periods of time (That should keep the APNEA people happy) but she never really pushed the point.
I could remember many of my dreams but not that I was so active during them.
The first time I realised that I was not 'normal' was when I woke up crouched in an attack position on the floor a metre or more from the bed. After that I paid more attention and began to see, for the first time, the scope of my actions and the potential significance of them.
If there was any treatment or prophylactic for this disorder it would be desirable to be fully aware of it at an earlier stage.
So I moved things from around the bed and began sleeping on my side on the very edge of the bed but even so my movements would constantly disturb my partner so, as my actions increased in frequency and violence, I moved to another bed.
When opportunity presented itself we purchased a split king bed and left them unzipped so my movements didn't transfer to the other half.
Then there was the question of what to do when woken from a bad dream, with the requisite scrapes and bruises and tangled bedding. How to kill time in the middle of the night while waiting for the dream to dissipate sufficiently that I didn't go straight back to where I had left off.
I would pace the floor, or play games on the PC, or start lame threads in a far off forum. Then I'd sneak back to bed and hope that I'd escaped.
You get the picture. The gradual progression from awareness and acceptance to isolation and eventually a mattress on the floor in an empty room. (not there yet)
For me safety is not the paramount issue. It is functionality and sanity when I am awake. With low quality sleep that is further degraded by being perpetually disrupted, getting through the night becomes a nightmare and getting through the day can be equally challenging.
Once sleep falls below a certain point life ceases as we usually experience life. It becomes a process of endurance hindered by uncertainty and confusion and a total lack of drive or direction. Nights are spent only half asleep and days are spent only half awake.
It's little wonder that most people with severe RBD go on to show signs of Dementia. The degenerative dreams and dementia are closely linked and self perpetuating.
I have found a very effective tool recently that shields me from my dreams so that the broken locks are not a problem but I feel that, in my case, it is essentially too late. I have lost too much ground over the past few years to really benefit from the reprieve that this medication offers. I only wish that I had known about it much earlier.
If the wife was writing this there would be a moral.
It would go something like this:
"Men don't listen!"
Now where did I leave that hearing aid?
